My name

What is my name? I have many. If asked which one best defines me I would be unable to answer. I am called Starla, wife, Mom. I also go by sister, friend, daughter, aunt, cousin, leader, helper, teacher, follower, heart breaker, liar, failure, inadequate, incapable, unworthy. Some of my names I’m proud of, some I’m grateful for, others fill me with regret and sadness, and shame. Do I fully live up to some of my names? I can be called mom yet only scratch the surface of the depth of this name. I am called Starla but does that name explain me, does it define the spirit within me? And what of sister or daughter? Which version of these names am I? does liar tell someone who I am through and through? Does it describe the whole of my makeup? Which name would I pick to explain myself? How can I fit everything in me into one name? Some of my names I have given to myself due to my own actions, others, people have given me based on their own definition of me. I think that I can throw away my own given names but it’s the others I worry about. Once someone has named me, am I forever labelled as that name in their mind? How can I convince them to rename me? This is one of my biggest struggles. I am terrified of someone naming me without a true knowledge of what I’m really about…..or maybe they name me because they do. Which is worse? Which is easier to change or discard? I wish often that I wasn’t concerned with the names other bestow on me. I stew over how many people have named me annoying. How many have given me the name of “know it all” and how many of these names do I actually deserve? This is the worst of it. I deserve them all. I believe that every name I have been given has been given correctly. How does one live under the weight of these names?

But then, I know what my real name is. It is a name I had to first accept. It wasn’t forced upon me, it wasn’t given on a whim by someone passing through my life momentarily. It was chosen for me, yes, but the chooser didn’t name me until I was first ready to accept it. It takes into account all of my other names and then defies those that shame me. It boldly states my worth in one word. It gives me value and purpose. It see’s into the deepest parts of me and still stands firm and unmoving. It pushes past all my other names with ease. It cannot be changed or taken away. It doesn’t express only one aspect of me but defines me as a whole. It wasn’t given in selfish motives or with false notions. It is a pure name though I am un-pure. A clean name though I am soiled, a free name though I was born in chains, a name of royal blood though I was enslaved. This name is beautiful, freely given, and never taken back. It is easy to bear, and light to carry. My name is Beloved.


“…arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”
Song of Songs 2:10-13

“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.”
Psalm 139:1-3

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul”

Psalm 143:8

“The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.”
Psalm 145:13b

I am my beloved’s and He is mine!!